Memoirs.

the rotten mask i have to put on,

the smile i can so easily put on,

the words i declare and confess like running water,

the feelings i buried deep under,

the thoughts i pushed so far aside,

the topics i would so often shun,

the you that i discarded far far away.

a phrase that sparked off chains of thoughts and recollections,

a chance to tell it all over again,

a feeling i haven't felt for what seems like eternity,

a tear i never thought i will shed again,

a number of questions that flashed through like bullets.

i can only ask, 

who are you now?

what is your reason?

when are u coming back?

where did the you i knew went?

how did you change so fast?

deep down and under,

i love you pop,

i wished my love for you is blind.  

the WORLD.

even assholes cry

even assholes feel lonely

even assholes feel sad

even assholes feel scared

even assholes get tired

even assholes have feelings

even assholes post random posts.

Mind-Blowing!

  today was such a fruitful day altogether! first of all, I'm to my beloved usher ministry. coolest thing ever, i was allocated to greeting people at the door. such a timely allocation, doing it all over again from the start. there was this usher standing in front of me, halfway when there wasn't many people, i waved at him and showed him my prized buckle as well, i then we forward and did a brother brother punch with him. hahahah awesome how what we wear can connect people! i also helped out at sound today! was an awesome experience, i knew nuts about it but managed to pull through without any technical faults. altho there were a few hiccups but PRAISE GOD! we pulled through. 

one life

one goal

one shot

its all for You.

  then came the father's day service, i watched the drama. i can't help but tear also, putting myself into "ah boy"'s shoes. seeing how his dad was trying his best but was misunderstood by "ah boy", the dad couldn't help but say that he wasn't fit to be his father. like how my dad didn't have alot of income but still somehow get me my iPhone, it was same as that martin guitar. also thinking how will it be like if my dad was lying there, will i still have that biased opinion against him? as pastor preached and as he gave the altar call, as i hear the words he said. that sometimes altho we have a dad, we're living like we do not have one. i guess being shaun lee, a face loving egoist. i would often want to show that i will still be alright without a father by me, but today during the service, i asked myself if he didn't leave, things might have been better? i really do not know, ain't really a nice thing to be in a father-absent family.

help me to not think like a child

help me to think like You.

But, for what?

  Nothing ever happens without a reason.

 Definitely, we as humans. throughout our years in life, we experience the good and bad of life. things that make us jump up and down in joy, things that make us cry and complain why is everything so hard. but if you think back, everything that happened be it good or bad. it led you to a certain something good in life. for me, if i didn't indulge myself heavily in this online game called "Ragnarok Online" in secondary school after being influenced by hikaru. i wouldn't have known Edwin, han yong and Peter. because of the game, we got closer through the game. if i never play the game and got myself entangled in a relationship, i would never have stepped in city harvest.

  time went by, those who played the game with me and in my school were praising and worshipping God beside me in church. coolest thing ever. because of that game, i made wonderful friends. know a wonderful father, a wonderful God. if my dad didn't leave the family, me and my mum wouldn't be as strong as we are today. as funky and as open as well. 

  so i guess, everything did and will happen for a reason. as humans, we are only revealed that much. my point is, the next time something bad happens or maybe it is happening now, don't feel down and discouraged, for its meant for greatness. 

  His master plan is something we can never comprehend.

Not my life but Yours.

i've faltered, i've strayed from you, i've lost consciousness. I'm wrong, about everything i did and decided. take my life away, just take me away. i've had enough of me. today, my life don't belong to me, but solely to You alone. I'm sorry, i hope You still love me. I love You.

  yay! darwin and hikaru are back. life is quiet without them, without their jokes. glad they are back safely too. heh. what can i say, tons of things happened when they're away. i can only say, i learnt a fair bit. i don't want to be the same. 

  just got my withdrawal letter from NAFA, gonna see a doctor regarding my glass spine. praying for favor in NS. went for AFV at riverwalk! fantastica, in season for a muddleheaded guy like me. like a mirror i checked myself once again, i guess i have to also be narcissistic on the inside. 

  Father's day is coming, a day to remember how much of a man he was. naturally because of the genes i inherited, i'll be like him. i pray i'll change, i pray i'll still love him.

please break me

please crucify me

please kill me

please dwell in me

please still love me.

please.

Perfect Imperfection II

 a dog that returned to its vomit, again.

i'm sorry,

i knew,

yet i faltered,

i wanna change,

i really want.

i disappointed You.

break me,

mould me,

change me.

Perfect Imperfection.

yes, I'm everything but perfect.

what they want, i cannot do.

what they expect, i cannot give.

what THEY want me to be, i will never be.

what THEY are not happy about, i cannot change.

I'm the Perfect Imperfection.

to hell with them.

lol I've had enough.

I've reached the limit.

I'm back to loving just myself and You.

like the good old times, like the good old times Lord.

I'm Dead.

 Paranoia killed me.

i killed myself,

how cool is that? ;D

Tomorrow Came.

My baby!

i wanna play, i wanna play, i wanna play, i wanna play!

she has a twin!

 yay i'll be working on sat! yay prayer come true 8 per hour. 1 day job but better than nothing! money money money.