its been AWHILE.

after bmt has ended, now am in traits phase. where we each learn our own specialized weapons. kinda rough but have more time for ourselves now. gonna do my best like what i've always been doing since i enlisted. to do things to the best of my ability and not regret no more.

in the past month, kinda mixture of A LOT of stuff. abit here and there but i'm still alive, beaten and bruised but i'm still strong. been thinking alot, all the trainings cant beat the fatigue my mind is feeling. i guess its just another phase of life. but this time, i am determined. the day i spoke, i already knew after the first war, i have so many other wars to fight. any idiot can tell how much i'm gonna go through if i take this step, but i've started walking and i really wanna keep walking. its something that i want to have for a lifetime. aint gonna be easy but my life hadn't been easy either. just abit more won't kill me. this time i wanna do it right, i wanna do it with You, i;ve neglected You for far too long. the mark on my heart is burning, the longing is growing. i don't want just your hem, i want Your heart! never gonna let go till i get You. give me a new set of armor God, one that shines so bright there's no room for darkness.

Bless me, help me.

kick the habits

reverse the lifestyle

renew the vision

double the oil

win the hearts

& win the heart.

veni,vidi,vici

i still love You.

Untitled.

4 months of endless toil and hard work in camp, BMT has ended. we fought, we sweat, we bleed, we play, we smoke, we sleep, we trained, we pulled through together. 40 Singapore Armored Regiment(SAR) cougar company. if given another choice, i would still wanna be there with those familiar faces. thinking back, i believe we all played a big part in each other lives. one for all, all for one. now that BMT has ended, some will leave some will stay and new ones will come in. its never gonna be the same again. thank you for the sweat, the blood, the pain, the fun and the tears of joy we shed and had together. it was a hell of a 4 months.

9th april 2010, it was my passing out parade, we all came out of it as privates, no longer the same old recruits 4 months ago. as i marched out to take my award as the company best, my heart was full of joy and pride. out of 70 recruits that enlisted in my company, i emerged as the top recruit of BMT. i have average physical achievements, but thankfully, i had good leadership skills and extraordinary favor from heaven above. i marched past my parents as they were sitting in the first row, i believed they were proud of me especially my mum. we went through hell together, i let her down so many times, with grades, poor attitude and habits i picked up along the way. finally i have something to show her and make her proud of me. am enjoying my block leave till friday cos i am so unfortunate to have guard duty on saturday -_-.

recently i've been thinking a lot, or rather the feeling is getting stronger again. the same old questions i've yet to figure out, the questions that only can be answered by the ruler from heaven above. the signs that are appearing time and time again, through passages of words, movies, numbers and every single way. show me, show me L. everything that i wanna know, every step you've been leading me, tell me where does it go, tell me what i need to know. i just feel things are never so simple, I'm not complicating things myself, everything has to have a reason. in fact, i don't think my life is just that simple. i am the one. answer me please.

Love.

Vday! a day to envy! i never ever celebrated this day with someone before, always wanted to but never did i once spent this special day with someone special.

to LOVE is hard, to say that you love someone is hard too. cos Love is a fucking strong word.

we, or rather some people tend to use the word Love so easily. when its just mere infatuation, attraction, a fond of or just an interest, ppl are already saying i love her/him. which is simply absurd. can't help to say and blog bout this, disgusts me when i see stuf like that, especially on twitter. to make clear, the "love" i'm talking about is the boy like girl kinda love, not the take care man love ya kinda love.

i dunno why i wanna blog about this either, maybe cause i'm bored? or just jealous of the happy couples that roam the streets i saw this bookout that i have to rant it all on this url page that reserved rights for me to. or both. whichever way i don't care, just how i feel about stuff i constantly see and read.

some updates bout me, i'm in the ARMY, which is known as national service(NS) that we, as singaporean men are left with no choice but to serve these two years unless you're a retard, literally. since we can't run from NS, i suggest we make the best out of it, experience everything there is to and stretch your mental and physical limits, not forgetting coming out of this hell hole, a true MAN.

i enlisted on the 11th december 2009 which falls on the same day as my birthday unfortunately. i went in with really lousy physical fitness, can't really run and never ever do sports in the past 5-10 years. my first 2.4km run i did a 14.44, which was crap of course. everything was crappy, had to adapt to the surroundings, the routine life that never ever change, the sucking it up attitude which we have to have, the harsh training that never ceases and of cos the fuckloads of responsibilities that we have. awesome thing bout humans is our ability to adapt, and so i did.

today i'm proud to say, i did adapt and i adapted well enough. my ippt went from a fail to a pass and to a silver. my 2.4km run now decreased to a 10.57 which i think is pretty not bad for me, adding the fact i smoke. and on 9th feb we had our weapon presentation at the marina barrage, it was only then i had known i was my platoon's best soldier. i had no idea how i got it but i guess i got it. No. 1 out of 24. i'm happy, but i'm not gonna stop here, i'll jump higher, i'll run faster, i'll go further, i'll reach the skies and definitely i'll be the best if not better.

for without You,

i was, am and will be,

nothing.

thank You for your grace.

Home.

Definitely, a home and a house are two separate things or, situations rather. a house is somewhere you go back too, to rest or relax. a home is place where you know no matter how bad sometimes life can be, its a place you know you are able to find the help that you need and a sense of belonging. i used to have a home, then it became a house then it remained a house. as of today, its 15th august on the lunar calender. 20 years ago, on this very day, my mum got married to my dad. 20 years later, its just a day to think back on how foolish a person can get. what can we say or do when things are already like that? suck it up and move on i guess. its been 3 years since that incident, a joy ride it has been. me and my mum has been given freedom? lol we've been going out more than before, drinking more than before, smoking more than before, putting tattoos more than before ( ok only 1 la), spending more than before. we only have each other and only each other, nobody to protect, to provide and to decide for us, whether we live or die, its up to us.

Again definitely, we're still alive and having a stable life. kinda rough week i had, been thinking alot. my petite other half has also been talking alot of sense to me, like my mum working so hard and studying so hard just to earn that money and i'm spending it as if we're loaded. it struck me hard, i'm sure i realised how much of a brat i was. ahhh so i did some sorting out and decided yea its just time to do something bout it.

Then again definitely, my petite other half has been a big help and support to me. i'm just so thankful for her, being patient and sometimes tolerating my bad habits. thank GOD with all my heart. my mum and her has been getting along smoothly also. crazy mum gave her shoes but told me to take a dollar from her because of the superstition, but i charged 50cents instead, and mummy also thought of buying a bag for her. haha what a lovely sight. PRAISE GOD!

Family @ wedding dinner
this is HOME.

me & smexy anti-aging mum.
psst, she doesn't use skin products!!

me and petite other half.
STOP DRINKING BABE!

So life has been great, and funky. happy and contented with the little things i have. looking forward to the future and definitely i wouldn't want to end up in his* shoes. heh live life, love life. ciao~

OHOHOHOH, i forgot. for girls who love shopping and guys who love to splurge and spoil your girls. please come down to the shop my mum's helping out at, i guarantee you they have good and IN stuff. believe me, i was a fashion student and still a fashion lover.

here are some sneak pics of their new stock :

this is not for sale,
just what the lady boss bought for her.
i mean dangg, she has good taste right?
super cool one of a kind skull bag.

another bag that my mum got from the shop,
super cool, black simple yet studded.
WILD~~

THANKS FOR READING.
IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE IS THE SHOP, ASK ME.
EMAIL ME @ haruko-kaito@hotmail.com

bye.

Family Guy!

did things that are out of the norm, for me especially.

1st, we baked a cheesecake! SUPER COOL. its a joy to see how different items can be combined into something.
unique experience for me. well its edible, but definitely needs improvement xD. my ever crazy wild joyful beautiful girlfriend came over and we stayed in the kitchen for hours! super tasking but worth it! especially when my mum got to see her for the first time. haha she's ok with her, even asked her along for my cousin's wedding dinner next wednesday! SWEET. thank God.

2nd, i washed all the dishes and utensils, instruments, equipments, tools or whatever you call it after baking, the baking bowl and everything. i somehow feel happy by doing so, making sure every cm of it is cleaned up. so not shaun lee, but i guess its just another side i dont get to see even. lol.

3rd, been sleeping earlier and waking up earlier. man this is new to me, usually i sleep when the sun is up and wake up when the sun is down but lately. i'm a normal earthling! no more martian lifestyle!

ahhh.. life has been great so far, still chasing that dumb boss for my pay, worked from july 5th to 14th and i havent seen 1 cent of my pay. kinda cool. should check out MOM websites soon ;x.

really thank God for that ever crazy forever in thought petite sweet smiling girl standing beside me all the way. she's everything i prayed for in the past. i've changed pretty much ever since i'm with her, well maybe only she knows but yeah! going strong, hoping one day we will serve the Lord together.

Lets go babe!
To Eternity & Beyond!! ;D

Update!!

i know you guys are brainwashed already to knowing that i have a tattoo, its been there for almost a month already. cos my dumb browser has some problems so i can't really blog, but PTL now its back!

first of all, as of 23/08/09 I AM OFFICIALLY ATTACHED TO MISS FLORA CHENG XINYI.

dam of cos i'm happy!

we gone through crap, still going through crap and definitely still gonna go through crap in future, come what may, our trust is in God. i'm happy, seriously happy. life's still good after all!

i've been praying and praying for a change in my life, the kicking of habits, the pure relationship, the spiritual disciplines. super cool man, i'm so gonna get that book by pst phil! right babe?

next up, i got this super afro wig over my brain. believe it or not, got it permed for free at home by my lovely mum. i've been getting alot of attention, some good some bad tho. but yea i don't care, i'm still the same shaun lee just with the afro hair. been doing alittle bit more than i was in the past 5 months, its cool, planning for upcoming cg outreach and many more little little stuff. but dang you bet i'm happy, i love the little things.

i'm climbing higher

i'm jumping further

i'm praying harder

i'm getting better!

Ps, SA she's your da sao.

stay tuned for THE meeting.

TATTOO.

NOTE.

THE FOLLOWING IMAGES MAYBE TOO HOT,

OR YOU MAY FIND IT IMPROPER.

FOR NEGATIVE COMMENTS,

SAVE IT.

cross = jesus, duh.

23 = my favorite number,

things that are impt to me,

eg. my mum.

her bday is on the 23rd of dec.

a sexier pose of shaun lee...

what can i say? sexy me.

THATS ALL.

THANK YOU.

PRAISE GOD.

LOVE YOU.

Love.

teach me how to love and not ask for anything in return, please Lord.

Once Again.

we can't turn back time, even if we can i'd still prefer it to be this way. i caught valuable experiences and learnt lessons not everyone is given a chance to have. i guess i am different, i guess there's just something different in my life, i guess i will do it. i will face my destiny, like how i spoke that night, like how i did before, it sinks into hearts, it wakes the sleep, it raises the dead. how can i forsake such a gift? thank You for making me like that, yes i think so differently, but if i don't do so, i'm not shaun lee. You make me feel so important, with so much bad stuff, comes the good lessons and the unique experiences, the unique point of views, the complicated mind. You moved me yet again, You won me over again, i concede.

i just want to see how You will see

i just want to know how You think

i just want to love how You love

i just want to lead how You lead

i just want to do what You do

i just want You.

p.s i'm gonna get inked!! yay ;D

Problems & Solutions.

zoom zoom zoom. next thing i know, i feel i'm in the deepest of shit. but then again, from another perspective, i'm not. despite all these shitty stuff, thoughts spun through my mind like a tornado.

its just a point of time in life that i know its time to maybe make a change. sometimes you just need to take time to do it, but you expect quick results because the people around you thinks its easy and expects you to change in the fastest possible time. sorry, i was never near perfection and i never will be. i too want to change, but when you're going through it, its tough as hell, you shiver, you shake, you get cranky all the time, you don't think positive. all i'm asking is, think maybe how hard is it before making any comment at all. what i really need, is encouragement and motivation, not condemnation. i just need God, nothing else.

help me,

take me out of here.

Updates.

where is shaun lee?

this hopefully, is one of the many questions asked during svc, leader's meeting and bs. haha i've been doing things i thought i never will do. i was working as this balloon inflater, hoister, cleaner and trigger-er. bao ga liao liao kinda job with edo intro-ed by deborah chan, yes the beauty queen. got to know good people, bad people and saw a glimpse of the real cruel world. anyway... to me, surviving throughout the whole job thing, is a breakthrough already, i have never start and finished something before, especially a job. i learnt a lot through this, thank you Lord!

btw, i went for my NS medical check-up, temporary PES D. PTL!!!

ps i need favor!!

i love you.

Mind-Blowing!

  today was such a fruitful day altogether! first of all, I'm to my beloved usher ministry. coolest thing ever, i was allocated to greeting people at the door. such a timely allocation, doing it all over again from the start. there was this usher standing in front of me, halfway when there wasn't many people, i waved at him and showed him my prized buckle as well, i then we forward and did a brother brother punch with him. hahahah awesome how what we wear can connect people! i also helped out at sound today! was an awesome experience, i knew nuts about it but managed to pull through without any technical faults. altho there were a few hiccups but PRAISE GOD! we pulled through. 

one life

one goal

one shot

its all for You.

  then came the father's day service, i watched the drama. i can't help but tear also, putting myself into "ah boy"'s shoes. seeing how his dad was trying his best but was misunderstood by "ah boy", the dad couldn't help but say that he wasn't fit to be his father. like how my dad didn't have alot of income but still somehow get me my iPhone, it was same as that martin guitar. also thinking how will it be like if my dad was lying there, will i still have that biased opinion against him? as pastor preached and as he gave the altar call, as i hear the words he said. that sometimes altho we have a dad, we're living like we do not have one. i guess being shaun lee, a face loving egoist. i would often want to show that i will still be alright without a father by me, but today during the service, i asked myself if he didn't leave, things might have been better? i really do not know, ain't really a nice thing to be in a father-absent family.

help me to not think like a child

help me to think like You.

But, for what?

  Nothing ever happens without a reason.

 Definitely, we as humans. throughout our years in life, we experience the good and bad of life. things that make us jump up and down in joy, things that make us cry and complain why is everything so hard. but if you think back, everything that happened be it good or bad. it led you to a certain something good in life. for me, if i didn't indulge myself heavily in this online game called "Ragnarok Online" in secondary school after being influenced by hikaru. i wouldn't have known Edwin, han yong and Peter. because of the game, we got closer through the game. if i never play the game and got myself entangled in a relationship, i would never have stepped in city harvest.

  time went by, those who played the game with me and in my school were praising and worshipping God beside me in church. coolest thing ever. because of that game, i made wonderful friends. know a wonderful father, a wonderful God. if my dad didn't leave the family, me and my mum wouldn't be as strong as we are today. as funky and as open as well. 

  so i guess, everything did and will happen for a reason. as humans, we are only revealed that much. my point is, the next time something bad happens or maybe it is happening now, don't feel down and discouraged, for its meant for greatness. 

  His master plan is something we can never comprehend.

Not my life but Yours.

i've faltered, i've strayed from you, i've lost consciousness. I'm wrong, about everything i did and decided. take my life away, just take me away. i've had enough of me. today, my life don't belong to me, but solely to You alone. I'm sorry, i hope You still love me. I love You.

  yay! darwin and hikaru are back. life is quiet without them, without their jokes. glad they are back safely too. heh. what can i say, tons of things happened when they're away. i can only say, i learnt a fair bit. i don't want to be the same. 

  just got my withdrawal letter from NAFA, gonna see a doctor regarding my glass spine. praying for favor in NS. went for AFV at riverwalk! fantastica, in season for a muddleheaded guy like me. like a mirror i checked myself once again, i guess i have to also be narcissistic on the inside. 

  Father's day is coming, a day to remember how much of a man he was. naturally because of the genes i inherited, i'll be like him. i pray i'll change, i pray i'll still love him.

please break me

please crucify me

please kill me

please dwell in me

please still love me.

please.

Perfect Imperfection II

 a dog that returned to its vomit, again.

i'm sorry,

i knew,

yet i faltered,

i wanna change,

i really want.

i disappointed You.

break me,

mould me,

change me.

Perfect Imperfection.

yes, I'm everything but perfect.

what they want, i cannot do.

what they expect, i cannot give.

what THEY want me to be, i will never be.

what THEY are not happy about, i cannot change.

I'm the Perfect Imperfection.

to hell with them.

lol I've had enough.

I've reached the limit.

I'm back to loving just myself and You.

like the good old times, like the good old times Lord.

Tomorrow Came.

My baby!

i wanna play, i wanna play, i wanna play, i wanna play!

she has a twin!

 yay i'll be working on sat! yay prayer come true 8 per hour. 1 day job but better than nothing! money money money.

The Perfect Song.

o draw me 

o draw me away

messiah today

to your presence to stay

jesus now change me

and mould me

that i can be

evermore true to thee.

i can't get this chorus out of my mind.

P.S i'll upload the pic tmr DEFINITELY.

matter of the heart.

Answer me.

  do i still carry on? the odds are.. are there even odds?

answer me, answer me.

The Awakening.

 ahh. it has all come to an end. the secret stuff, the here nor there. the left and right. the hot and cold. i came to learn about things i didn't know or realize myself. i guess this is one of those point of realization that yes you messed up, you faltered and you gotta do what you really gotta do. 

  1st issue.

 i guessed i did make an agreement, i figured if i said it, i'd do it. the purpose of it all, the reason why everything was not so smooth and perfect. the end result that we are all looking towards, how pleasant and wonderful will it be. the promise that you made which you never fail to compromise. its just time to fix up things that you broke.

  2nd issue.

 i was deluding myself all these years. thinking the world and the people close to me are revolving around me. i am actually revolving on the same orbit with them, just far far behind. knowing that without them, i have nobody else to turn to. knowing that i'm a jerk to be with, a bum to mix around with, in short, a douchebag. i claim to know much, but in fact there's so much more to know. i should really stop applying unreasonable pressure, creating something out of nothing and stop letting my ego delude me. sorry guys, sorry for being a douchebag. 

 

  3rd issue.

 it's about time to do something about my wants. i plainly say them too much and am not doing anything about it. about the recent thinking and chatting with ppl around me, i have 4 working limbs and a quick brain. i should do something more constructive than these douchey stuff that dun get me anywhere. i'm glad i realized it. hard or easy way, i'm glad i did. time to wake up, time to move, time to glorify.

help me to stand up each day,

help me to fight a good fight,

help me to not just survive,

help me to let your love show,

help me to walk in your love,

help me to sing a new song,

help me to stay by your side,

help me to always be true,

help me, help me, help me,

cause all i need is you.

thank you for The Awakening.