Heart.

a heart is like a room, if you open it to find that it's already occupied. search for another one.

where's my room?

Enough is Enough.

i've been running around in circles only to find, nothing.

trust me,

i am tired.

Diamonte.

WABLASHAKULEHLEH. i'm out and i'm out.

seriously, its different now.

my presence is my absence.

tell me please.

its been AWHILE.

after bmt has ended, now am in traits phase. where we each learn our own specialized weapons. kinda rough but have more time for ourselves now. gonna do my best like what i've always been doing since i enlisted. to do things to the best of my ability and not regret no more.

in the past month, kinda mixture of A LOT of stuff. abit here and there but i'm still alive, beaten and bruised but i'm still strong. been thinking alot, all the trainings cant beat the fatigue my mind is feeling. i guess its just another phase of life. but this time, i am determined. the day i spoke, i already knew after the first war, i have so many other wars to fight. any idiot can tell how much i'm gonna go through if i take this step, but i've started walking and i really wanna keep walking. its something that i want to have for a lifetime. aint gonna be easy but my life hadn't been easy either. just abit more won't kill me. this time i wanna do it right, i wanna do it with You, i;ve neglected You for far too long. the mark on my heart is burning, the longing is growing. i don't want just your hem, i want Your heart! never gonna let go till i get You. give me a new set of armor God, one that shines so bright there's no room for darkness.

Bless me, help me.

kick the habits

reverse the lifestyle

renew the vision

double the oil

win the hearts

& win the heart.

veni,vidi,vici

i still love You.

Untitled.

4 months of endless toil and hard work in camp, BMT has ended. we fought, we sweat, we bleed, we play, we smoke, we sleep, we trained, we pulled through together. 40 Singapore Armored Regiment(SAR) cougar company. if given another choice, i would still wanna be there with those familiar faces. thinking back, i believe we all played a big part in each other lives. one for all, all for one. now that BMT has ended, some will leave some will stay and new ones will come in. its never gonna be the same again. thank you for the sweat, the blood, the pain, the fun and the tears of joy we shed and had together. it was a hell of a 4 months.

9th april 2010, it was my passing out parade, we all came out of it as privates, no longer the same old recruits 4 months ago. as i marched out to take my award as the company best, my heart was full of joy and pride. out of 70 recruits that enlisted in my company, i emerged as the top recruit of BMT. i have average physical achievements, but thankfully, i had good leadership skills and extraordinary favor from heaven above. i marched past my parents as they were sitting in the first row, i believed they were proud of me especially my mum. we went through hell together, i let her down so many times, with grades, poor attitude and habits i picked up along the way. finally i have something to show her and make her proud of me. am enjoying my block leave till friday cos i am so unfortunate to have guard duty on saturday -_-.

recently i've been thinking a lot, or rather the feeling is getting stronger again. the same old questions i've yet to figure out, the questions that only can be answered by the ruler from heaven above. the signs that are appearing time and time again, through passages of words, movies, numbers and every single way. show me, show me L. everything that i wanna know, every step you've been leading me, tell me where does it go, tell me what i need to know. i just feel things are never so simple, I'm not complicating things myself, everything has to have a reason. in fact, i don't think my life is just that simple. i am the one. answer me please.

Life.

the only word capable of describing my life right now is this word "Perfect".

optimist? nah, Perfectly imperfected perfectionist.

Love.

Vday! a day to envy! i never ever celebrated this day with someone before, always wanted to but never did i once spent this special day with someone special.

to LOVE is hard, to say that you love someone is hard too. cos Love is a fucking strong word.

we, or rather some people tend to use the word Love so easily. when its just mere infatuation, attraction, a fond of or just an interest, ppl are already saying i love her/him. which is simply absurd. can't help to say and blog bout this, disgusts me when i see stuf like that, especially on twitter. to make clear, the "love" i'm talking about is the boy like girl kinda love, not the take care man love ya kinda love.

i dunno why i wanna blog about this either, maybe cause i'm bored? or just jealous of the happy couples that roam the streets i saw this bookout that i have to rant it all on this url page that reserved rights for me to. or both. whichever way i don't care, just how i feel about stuff i constantly see and read.

some updates bout me, i'm in the ARMY, which is known as national service(NS) that we, as singaporean men are left with no choice but to serve these two years unless you're a retard, literally. since we can't run from NS, i suggest we make the best out of it, experience everything there is to and stretch your mental and physical limits, not forgetting coming out of this hell hole, a true MAN.

i enlisted on the 11th december 2009 which falls on the same day as my birthday unfortunately. i went in with really lousy physical fitness, can't really run and never ever do sports in the past 5-10 years. my first 2.4km run i did a 14.44, which was crap of course. everything was crappy, had to adapt to the surroundings, the routine life that never ever change, the sucking it up attitude which we have to have, the harsh training that never ceases and of cos the fuckloads of responsibilities that we have. awesome thing bout humans is our ability to adapt, and so i did.

today i'm proud to say, i did adapt and i adapted well enough. my ippt went from a fail to a pass and to a silver. my 2.4km run now decreased to a 10.57 which i think is pretty not bad for me, adding the fact i smoke. and on 9th feb we had our weapon presentation at the marina barrage, it was only then i had known i was my platoon's best soldier. i had no idea how i got it but i guess i got it. No. 1 out of 24. i'm happy, but i'm not gonna stop here, i'll jump higher, i'll run faster, i'll go further, i'll reach the skies and definitely i'll be the best if not better.

for without You,

i was, am and will be,

nothing.

thank You for your grace.

Army Change.

zooooom and its been a month ever since i been into army, have i changed some may ask. i did, indeed i did. physically and mentally of cos, 5 days, 3 physical training(PT) lessons per day. of cos i've become bigger? this is my third bookout, its been better than the last two i guess. but things aren't really the same anymore, i don't know how to explain. feels like i've disconnected from everyone, living my own world with my bunk mates. whats with this transition, am i going to hang out with my bunkmates more? am i gonna slowly drift from my ever strong SA clique? the topics become lesser, the actions become displeasing. this is weird. why do i think i feel more comfortable with my bunkmates sometimes.

a test of friendship? i did try to meet them and talk to them. din really seem to work. its the same, if i don't ask, nobody would. issit true that friends come, friends go? i'm starting to feel they are going under the category "church friends" than the brothers that we used to be. stuff i say now fall to the ground. feathers that follow where the wind blows. where do i go, who do i turn to? there are definitely two sides to this story. this is just my part of it.

P.S i found some colors in my little black & white world.

Christmas.

it's a dull one this year, nobody to spend time with. nothing seems like christmas, everything seems like nothing. if i know it'd be like that, i would rather not book out. i figured my only fear is loneliness. FML.

happy birthday jesus.

11th december 2009.

the day i turn 19 and the day i embark on my army life. i know its not gonna be easy. but ya like its part of life for a singaporean male. its gonna be 2 years, i'm gonna miss my family especially my mum and grandma, my friends, my GUYS, my guys' girls, close girl-friends like swee, fiona, peilin and GWEN. my cellgroup members, my cellgroup leaders and everyone that i know personally but is not mentioned here. i'm scared, excited yet sad. hope it'll be a breeze. special ppl to thank!

first of all, CHX!

dude, you're really the man running the show for me. help me plan this help me plan, plan for my birthday and everything. you're someone really close to my heart, tho recently little bit of i would say "misunderstandings" but ya, if u trust me. know that i have your interests at heart. even tho i'm a B, but ya all i can say is trust me.

DS!

fatty sim, i love you. you hear my every problem and gives me from a perspective i dont see from my angle. its great to have you around cos you light up the atmosphere and its really great to see u happy now. but please, if u see our footprints on that road, flee from it. you know what i mean..

FHY!

freddy! the one that amongst them most similar to me, its good to be like me, but learn the good stuff if possible. its good to have someone who's always clear headed about things and i really thank you for being the one that's most burdened for our spiritual lives. appreciate it.

EDOMANDO!

the man behind the scenes, the andrew that helps the peter. i admire your humility and undying spirit, you dont usually say no to favours. thats the best part about you, frankly its super good to know that you're a leader for this camp. you heard lots of shit from us over the years, you have what it takes to shine and do well, dont for once think of giving up. if there's one person who definitely can do anything amongst us, that person is YOU.

JC!

you excel in everything you do, that is the truth - prodigy. there's nothing u can't catch up with others, its really great to have u in the clique. cos frankly anything that comes to the physical, we have no fear cos we have u. just tune down your loud hailer, perfect.

YG!

this name is ancient, but you are the guy who knows everything single detail that happened in my life. like i said, if there's a need for my biography, you're the one who can write it best. cos ya you're like a spectator of us and especially me. just quit that.

AFRED!

you're the latest addition to the family, i really thank you so much for availing yourself for our dinners and the surprise ytd. even you have your test on the next day its still so good of you to come. i love you man. anything from now just ask us, AWAL also go. LOL JOKING.

JARED!

jared, i always say things from my heart to you. you're my first leader and no matter what i'll still respect you not cos you're just a leader but you really earned my utmost respect. i really learned alot in the past few years when i was helping you and sometimes i really got so inspired by you, i still rmb when you telling me you were tearing while msn-ing me, i got so touched and changed my perspective of you since then. thank you so much Jared. thank you for everything.

Cicilia

CC!! im so happy you came down to surprise me!! like i know u stay so far but u still made the effort to surprise me and i was inspired by you alot. knowing you have major exams and you still make time calling us and praying with us. showing us that shining for God and doing your own stuff is definitely possible. thanks CC!

GWENDOTAN

GIRL-FRIEND!! hahhaha i thank you soooo much too. the fact that you came down and surprise me with the guys, i know you're super tired cos of the camp and being a leader is tiring. i so appreciate it. and your dream of being a team leader came true! shine for GOD HOLY GWEN!!

sweeeeee.

my special friend! somehow i think we click cos we're of the same surname. but whatever, i'm so happy we got to know in CHEC. like ever since then you're always been a SA guy. hahahah i really enjoy hanging out and spending time with you always. please protect yourself and take good care of your weak body, go to school, drink water and dont smile too wide and and 10 11 11 12 11 12 10!! ok i sound like your mum, again.

LAST OF ALL, A BIG THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE THAT CAME TO SURPRISE ME!!

i'm seriously outta time, thanks kenneth, dannon, peilin and fiona! you guys are just great.

i'll see everyone in a week or so, i'll still be on twitter, so do tweet me.

Bad Romance.


what a song!

it speaks to me,

The way it should have been, all along.


an answer i can only refer it , absurd. what more can i say. i did my part, i've no regrets.

i will never look back.




Don't bother me, with anything.
I rule my world.

11th December.

a date i always anticipated, now for new reasons.
i just can't wait, Bring it on National Service!
SHAVE MY HEAD.

swallow the ego,
shave my pride.

Home.

Definitely, a home and a house are two separate things or, situations rather. a house is somewhere you go back too, to rest or relax. a home is place where you know no matter how bad sometimes life can be, its a place you know you are able to find the help that you need and a sense of belonging. i used to have a home, then it became a house then it remained a house. as of today, its 15th august on the lunar calender. 20 years ago, on this very day, my mum got married to my dad. 20 years later, its just a day to think back on how foolish a person can get. what can we say or do when things are already like that? suck it up and move on i guess. its been 3 years since that incident, a joy ride it has been. me and my mum has been given freedom? lol we've been going out more than before, drinking more than before, smoking more than before, putting tattoos more than before ( ok only 1 la), spending more than before. we only have each other and only each other, nobody to protect, to provide and to decide for us, whether we live or die, its up to us.

Again definitely, we're still alive and having a stable life. kinda rough week i had, been thinking alot. my petite other half has also been talking alot of sense to me, like my mum working so hard and studying so hard just to earn that money and i'm spending it as if we're loaded. it struck me hard, i'm sure i realised how much of a brat i was. ahhh so i did some sorting out and decided yea its just time to do something bout it.

Then again definitely, my petite other half has been a big help and support to me. i'm just so thankful for her, being patient and sometimes tolerating my bad habits. thank GOD with all my heart. my mum and her has been getting along smoothly also. crazy mum gave her shoes but told me to take a dollar from her because of the superstition, but i charged 50cents instead, and mummy also thought of buying a bag for her. haha what a lovely sight. PRAISE GOD!

Family @ wedding dinner
this is HOME.

me & smexy anti-aging mum.
psst, she doesn't use skin products!!

me and petite other half.
STOP DRINKING BABE!

So life has been great, and funky. happy and contented with the little things i have. looking forward to the future and definitely i wouldn't want to end up in his* shoes. heh live life, love life. ciao~

OHOHOHOH, i forgot. for girls who love shopping and guys who love to splurge and spoil your girls. please come down to the shop my mum's helping out at, i guarantee you they have good and IN stuff. believe me, i was a fashion student and still a fashion lover.

here are some sneak pics of their new stock :

this is not for sale,
just what the lady boss bought for her.
i mean dangg, she has good taste right?
super cool one of a kind skull bag.

another bag that my mum got from the shop,
super cool, black simple yet studded.
WILD~~

THANKS FOR READING.
IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE IS THE SHOP, ASK ME.
EMAIL ME @ haruko-kaito@hotmail.com

bye.

Family Guy!

did things that are out of the norm, for me especially.

1st, we baked a cheesecake! SUPER COOL. its a joy to see how different items can be combined into something.
unique experience for me. well its edible, but definitely needs improvement xD. my ever crazy wild joyful beautiful girlfriend came over and we stayed in the kitchen for hours! super tasking but worth it! especially when my mum got to see her for the first time. haha she's ok with her, even asked her along for my cousin's wedding dinner next wednesday! SWEET. thank God.

2nd, i washed all the dishes and utensils, instruments, equipments, tools or whatever you call it after baking, the baking bowl and everything. i somehow feel happy by doing so, making sure every cm of it is cleaned up. so not shaun lee, but i guess its just another side i dont get to see even. lol.

3rd, been sleeping earlier and waking up earlier. man this is new to me, usually i sleep when the sun is up and wake up when the sun is down but lately. i'm a normal earthling! no more martian lifestyle!

ahhh.. life has been great so far, still chasing that dumb boss for my pay, worked from july 5th to 14th and i havent seen 1 cent of my pay. kinda cool. should check out MOM websites soon ;x.

really thank God for that ever crazy forever in thought petite sweet smiling girl standing beside me all the way. she's everything i prayed for in the past. i've changed pretty much ever since i'm with her, well maybe only she knows but yeah! going strong, hoping one day we will serve the Lord together.

Lets go babe!
To Eternity & Beyond!! ;D

Update!!

i know you guys are brainwashed already to knowing that i have a tattoo, its been there for almost a month already. cos my dumb browser has some problems so i can't really blog, but PTL now its back!

first of all, as of 23/08/09 I AM OFFICIALLY ATTACHED TO MISS FLORA CHENG XINYI.

dam of cos i'm happy!

we gone through crap, still going through crap and definitely still gonna go through crap in future, come what may, our trust is in God. i'm happy, seriously happy. life's still good after all!

i've been praying and praying for a change in my life, the kicking of habits, the pure relationship, the spiritual disciplines. super cool man, i'm so gonna get that book by pst phil! right babe?

next up, i got this super afro wig over my brain. believe it or not, got it permed for free at home by my lovely mum. i've been getting alot of attention, some good some bad tho. but yea i don't care, i'm still the same shaun lee just with the afro hair. been doing alittle bit more than i was in the past 5 months, its cool, planning for upcoming cg outreach and many more little little stuff. but dang you bet i'm happy, i love the little things.

i'm climbing higher

i'm jumping further

i'm praying harder

i'm getting better!

Ps, SA she's your da sao.

stay tuned for THE meeting.

TATTOO.

NOTE.

THE FOLLOWING IMAGES MAYBE TOO HOT,

OR YOU MAY FIND IT IMPROPER.

FOR NEGATIVE COMMENTS,

SAVE IT.

cross = jesus, duh.

23 = my favorite number,

things that are impt to me,

eg. my mum.

her bday is on the 23rd of dec.

a sexier pose of shaun lee...

what can i say? sexy me.

THATS ALL.

THANK YOU.

PRAISE GOD.

LOVE YOU.

Love.

teach me how to love and not ask for anything in return, please Lord.

Once Again.

we can't turn back time, even if we can i'd still prefer it to be this way. i caught valuable experiences and learnt lessons not everyone is given a chance to have. i guess i am different, i guess there's just something different in my life, i guess i will do it. i will face my destiny, like how i spoke that night, like how i did before, it sinks into hearts, it wakes the sleep, it raises the dead. how can i forsake such a gift? thank You for making me like that, yes i think so differently, but if i don't do so, i'm not shaun lee. You make me feel so important, with so much bad stuff, comes the good lessons and the unique experiences, the unique point of views, the complicated mind. You moved me yet again, You won me over again, i concede.

i just want to see how You will see

i just want to know how You think

i just want to love how You love

i just want to lead how You lead

i just want to do what You do

i just want You.

p.s i'm gonna get inked!! yay ;D

Problems & Solutions.

zoom zoom zoom. next thing i know, i feel i'm in the deepest of shit. but then again, from another perspective, i'm not. despite all these shitty stuff, thoughts spun through my mind like a tornado.

its just a point of time in life that i know its time to maybe make a change. sometimes you just need to take time to do it, but you expect quick results because the people around you thinks its easy and expects you to change in the fastest possible time. sorry, i was never near perfection and i never will be. i too want to change, but when you're going through it, its tough as hell, you shiver, you shake, you get cranky all the time, you don't think positive. all i'm asking is, think maybe how hard is it before making any comment at all. what i really need, is encouragement and motivation, not condemnation. i just need God, nothing else.

help me,

take me out of here.