Heart.

a heart is like a room, if you open it to find that it's already occupied. search for another one.

where's my room?

Enough is Enough.

i've been running around in circles only to find, nothing.

trust me,

i am tired.

Diamonte.

WABLASHAKULEHLEH. i'm out and i'm out.

seriously, its different now.

my presence is my absence.

tell me please.

its been AWHILE.

after bmt has ended, now am in traits phase. where we each learn our own specialized weapons. kinda rough but have more time for ourselves now. gonna do my best like what i've always been doing since i enlisted. to do things to the best of my ability and not regret no more.

in the past month, kinda mixture of A LOT of stuff. abit here and there but i'm still alive, beaten and bruised but i'm still strong. been thinking alot, all the trainings cant beat the fatigue my mind is feeling. i guess its just another phase of life. but this time, i am determined. the day i spoke, i already knew after the first war, i have so many other wars to fight. any idiot can tell how much i'm gonna go through if i take this step, but i've started walking and i really wanna keep walking. its something that i want to have for a lifetime. aint gonna be easy but my life hadn't been easy either. just abit more won't kill me. this time i wanna do it right, i wanna do it with You, i;ve neglected You for far too long. the mark on my heart is burning, the longing is growing. i don't want just your hem, i want Your heart! never gonna let go till i get You. give me a new set of armor God, one that shines so bright there's no room for darkness.

Bless me, help me.

kick the habits

reverse the lifestyle

renew the vision

double the oil

win the hearts

& win the heart.

veni,vidi,vici

i still love You.

Untitled.

4 months of endless toil and hard work in camp, BMT has ended. we fought, we sweat, we bleed, we play, we smoke, we sleep, we trained, we pulled through together. 40 Singapore Armored Regiment(SAR) cougar company. if given another choice, i would still wanna be there with those familiar faces. thinking back, i believe we all played a big part in each other lives. one for all, all for one. now that BMT has ended, some will leave some will stay and new ones will come in. its never gonna be the same again. thank you for the sweat, the blood, the pain, the fun and the tears of joy we shed and had together. it was a hell of a 4 months.

9th april 2010, it was my passing out parade, we all came out of it as privates, no longer the same old recruits 4 months ago. as i marched out to take my award as the company best, my heart was full of joy and pride. out of 70 recruits that enlisted in my company, i emerged as the top recruit of BMT. i have average physical achievements, but thankfully, i had good leadership skills and extraordinary favor from heaven above. i marched past my parents as they were sitting in the first row, i believed they were proud of me especially my mum. we went through hell together, i let her down so many times, with grades, poor attitude and habits i picked up along the way. finally i have something to show her and make her proud of me. am enjoying my block leave till friday cos i am so unfortunate to have guard duty on saturday -_-.

recently i've been thinking a lot, or rather the feeling is getting stronger again. the same old questions i've yet to figure out, the questions that only can be answered by the ruler from heaven above. the signs that are appearing time and time again, through passages of words, movies, numbers and every single way. show me, show me L. everything that i wanna know, every step you've been leading me, tell me where does it go, tell me what i need to know. i just feel things are never so simple, I'm not complicating things myself, everything has to have a reason. in fact, i don't think my life is just that simple. i am the one. answer me please.

Life.

the only word capable of describing my life right now is this word "Perfect".

optimist? nah, Perfectly imperfected perfectionist.

Love.

Vday! a day to envy! i never ever celebrated this day with someone before, always wanted to but never did i once spent this special day with someone special.

to LOVE is hard, to say that you love someone is hard too. cos Love is a fucking strong word.

we, or rather some people tend to use the word Love so easily. when its just mere infatuation, attraction, a fond of or just an interest, ppl are already saying i love her/him. which is simply absurd. can't help to say and blog bout this, disgusts me when i see stuf like that, especially on twitter. to make clear, the "love" i'm talking about is the boy like girl kinda love, not the take care man love ya kinda love.

i dunno why i wanna blog about this either, maybe cause i'm bored? or just jealous of the happy couples that roam the streets i saw this bookout that i have to rant it all on this url page that reserved rights for me to. or both. whichever way i don't care, just how i feel about stuff i constantly see and read.

some updates bout me, i'm in the ARMY, which is known as national service(NS) that we, as singaporean men are left with no choice but to serve these two years unless you're a retard, literally. since we can't run from NS, i suggest we make the best out of it, experience everything there is to and stretch your mental and physical limits, not forgetting coming out of this hell hole, a true MAN.

i enlisted on the 11th december 2009 which falls on the same day as my birthday unfortunately. i went in with really lousy physical fitness, can't really run and never ever do sports in the past 5-10 years. my first 2.4km run i did a 14.44, which was crap of course. everything was crappy, had to adapt to the surroundings, the routine life that never ever change, the sucking it up attitude which we have to have, the harsh training that never ceases and of cos the fuckloads of responsibilities that we have. awesome thing bout humans is our ability to adapt, and so i did.

today i'm proud to say, i did adapt and i adapted well enough. my ippt went from a fail to a pass and to a silver. my 2.4km run now decreased to a 10.57 which i think is pretty not bad for me, adding the fact i smoke. and on 9th feb we had our weapon presentation at the marina barrage, it was only then i had known i was my platoon's best soldier. i had no idea how i got it but i guess i got it. No. 1 out of 24. i'm happy, but i'm not gonna stop here, i'll jump higher, i'll run faster, i'll go further, i'll reach the skies and definitely i'll be the best if not better.

for without You,

i was, am and will be,

nothing.

thank You for your grace.