Once Again.

we can't turn back time, even if we can i'd still prefer it to be this way. i caught valuable experiences and learnt lessons not everyone is given a chance to have. i guess i am different, i guess there's just something different in my life, i guess i will do it. i will face my destiny, like how i spoke that night, like how i did before, it sinks into hearts, it wakes the sleep, it raises the dead. how can i forsake such a gift? thank You for making me like that, yes i think so differently, but if i don't do so, i'm not shaun lee. You make me feel so important, with so much bad stuff, comes the good lessons and the unique experiences, the unique point of views, the complicated mind. You moved me yet again, You won me over again, i concede.

i just want to see how You will see

i just want to know how You think

i just want to love how You love

i just want to lead how You lead

i just want to do what You do

i just want You.

p.s i'm gonna get inked!! yay ;D

Problems & Solutions.

zoom zoom zoom. next thing i know, i feel i'm in the deepest of shit. but then again, from another perspective, i'm not. despite all these shitty stuff, thoughts spun through my mind like a tornado.

its just a point of time in life that i know its time to maybe make a change. sometimes you just need to take time to do it, but you expect quick results because the people around you thinks its easy and expects you to change in the fastest possible time. sorry, i was never near perfection and i never will be. i too want to change, but when you're going through it, its tough as hell, you shiver, you shake, you get cranky all the time, you don't think positive. all i'm asking is, think maybe how hard is it before making any comment at all. what i really need, is encouragement and motivation, not condemnation. i just need God, nothing else.

help me,

take me out of here.

Updates.

where is shaun lee?

this hopefully, is one of the many questions asked during svc, leader's meeting and bs. haha i've been doing things i thought i never will do. i was working as this balloon inflater, hoister, cleaner and trigger-er. bao ga liao liao kinda job with edo intro-ed by deborah chan, yes the beauty queen. got to know good people, bad people and saw a glimpse of the real cruel world. anyway... to me, surviving throughout the whole job thing, is a breakthrough already, i have never start and finished something before, especially a job. i learnt a lot through this, thank you Lord!

btw, i went for my NS medical check-up, temporary PES D. PTL!!!

ps i need favor!!

i love you.

the helpless gardener.

no matter how much effort the gardener put in growing the plant,

it seemed as if it is always withering,

the gardener felt helpless cos all the other 100 plants were the same,

he just hoped the 101th plant would be different,

so he was persistent about it and never gave up.

p.s i love you.

the Good Fight.

the battle of the mind

the battle of the flesh

the doubts that sparked

the assumptions to be erupted

the right is the wrong

the wrong is the right

a curse i am carrying

a curse i want to lift

i never felt like this

i never knew love

i hate this part

i hate myself.

Like father, like son.

i pray i wont be like my dad,

i pray ppl will never be like me.

in the end, our example are examples 

you should never follow.

i am such a puzzle.

Me.

  green among the red,

all are sweet but i am sour,

same heart but of different taste,

because of me hearts are lifted,

because of me hearts are sunken,

i ask,

who am i?

and

why am i me??

am i still the apple of your eye?

how much more can i?

Memoirs.

the rotten mask i have to put on,

the smile i can so easily put on,

the words i declare and confess like running water,

the feelings i buried deep under,

the thoughts i pushed so far aside,

the topics i would so often shun,

the you that i discarded far far away.

a phrase that sparked off chains of thoughts and recollections,

a chance to tell it all over again,

a feeling i haven't felt for what seems like eternity,

a tear i never thought i will shed again,

a number of questions that flashed through like bullets.

i can only ask, 

who are you now?

what is your reason?

when are u coming back?

where did the you i knew went?

how did you change so fast?

deep down and under,

i love you pop,

i wished my love for you is blind.  

the WORLD.

even assholes cry

even assholes feel lonely

even assholes feel sad

even assholes feel scared

even assholes get tired

even assholes have feelings

even assholes post random posts.

Mind-Blowing!

  today was such a fruitful day altogether! first of all, I'm to my beloved usher ministry. coolest thing ever, i was allocated to greeting people at the door. such a timely allocation, doing it all over again from the start. there was this usher standing in front of me, halfway when there wasn't many people, i waved at him and showed him my prized buckle as well, i then we forward and did a brother brother punch with him. hahahah awesome how what we wear can connect people! i also helped out at sound today! was an awesome experience, i knew nuts about it but managed to pull through without any technical faults. altho there were a few hiccups but PRAISE GOD! we pulled through. 

one life

one goal

one shot

its all for You.

  then came the father's day service, i watched the drama. i can't help but tear also, putting myself into "ah boy"'s shoes. seeing how his dad was trying his best but was misunderstood by "ah boy", the dad couldn't help but say that he wasn't fit to be his father. like how my dad didn't have alot of income but still somehow get me my iPhone, it was same as that martin guitar. also thinking how will it be like if my dad was lying there, will i still have that biased opinion against him? as pastor preached and as he gave the altar call, as i hear the words he said. that sometimes altho we have a dad, we're living like we do not have one. i guess being shaun lee, a face loving egoist. i would often want to show that i will still be alright without a father by me, but today during the service, i asked myself if he didn't leave, things might have been better? i really do not know, ain't really a nice thing to be in a father-absent family.

help me to not think like a child

help me to think like You.

But, for what?

  Nothing ever happens without a reason.

 Definitely, we as humans. throughout our years in life, we experience the good and bad of life. things that make us jump up and down in joy, things that make us cry and complain why is everything so hard. but if you think back, everything that happened be it good or bad. it led you to a certain something good in life. for me, if i didn't indulge myself heavily in this online game called "Ragnarok Online" in secondary school after being influenced by hikaru. i wouldn't have known Edwin, han yong and Peter. because of the game, we got closer through the game. if i never play the game and got myself entangled in a relationship, i would never have stepped in city harvest.

  time went by, those who played the game with me and in my school were praising and worshipping God beside me in church. coolest thing ever. because of that game, i made wonderful friends. know a wonderful father, a wonderful God. if my dad didn't leave the family, me and my mum wouldn't be as strong as we are today. as funky and as open as well. 

  so i guess, everything did and will happen for a reason. as humans, we are only revealed that much. my point is, the next time something bad happens or maybe it is happening now, don't feel down and discouraged, for its meant for greatness. 

  His master plan is something we can never comprehend.

Not my life but Yours.

i've faltered, i've strayed from you, i've lost consciousness. I'm wrong, about everything i did and decided. take my life away, just take me away. i've had enough of me. today, my life don't belong to me, but solely to You alone. I'm sorry, i hope You still love me. I love You.

  yay! darwin and hikaru are back. life is quiet without them, without their jokes. glad they are back safely too. heh. what can i say, tons of things happened when they're away. i can only say, i learnt a fair bit. i don't want to be the same. 

  just got my withdrawal letter from NAFA, gonna see a doctor regarding my glass spine. praying for favor in NS. went for AFV at riverwalk! fantastica, in season for a muddleheaded guy like me. like a mirror i checked myself once again, i guess i have to also be narcissistic on the inside. 

  Father's day is coming, a day to remember how much of a man he was. naturally because of the genes i inherited, i'll be like him. i pray i'll change, i pray i'll still love him.

please break me

please crucify me

please kill me

please dwell in me

please still love me.

please.

Perfect Imperfection II

 a dog that returned to its vomit, again.

i'm sorry,

i knew,

yet i faltered,

i wanna change,

i really want.

i disappointed You.

break me,

mould me,

change me.

Perfect Imperfection.

yes, I'm everything but perfect.

what they want, i cannot do.

what they expect, i cannot give.

what THEY want me to be, i will never be.

what THEY are not happy about, i cannot change.

I'm the Perfect Imperfection.

to hell with them.

lol I've had enough.

I've reached the limit.

I'm back to loving just myself and You.

like the good old times, like the good old times Lord.

I'm Dead.

 Paranoia killed me.

i killed myself,

how cool is that? ;D

Tomorrow Came.

My baby!

i wanna play, i wanna play, i wanna play, i wanna play!

she has a twin!

 yay i'll be working on sat! yay prayer come true 8 per hour. 1 day job but better than nothing! money money money.

The Perfect Song.

o draw me 

o draw me away

messiah today

to your presence to stay

jesus now change me

and mould me

that i can be

evermore true to thee.

i can't get this chorus out of my mind.

P.S i'll upload the pic tmr DEFINITELY.

matter of the heart.

Desire.

  i'm getting my baby tmr. heh stay tuned.

to keep saying and not do,

makes your words weigh nothing.

Answer me.

  do i still carry on? the odds are.. are there even odds?

answer me, answer me.

The Awakening.

 ahh. it has all come to an end. the secret stuff, the here nor there. the left and right. the hot and cold. i came to learn about things i didn't know or realize myself. i guess this is one of those point of realization that yes you messed up, you faltered and you gotta do what you really gotta do. 

  1st issue.

 i guessed i did make an agreement, i figured if i said it, i'd do it. the purpose of it all, the reason why everything was not so smooth and perfect. the end result that we are all looking towards, how pleasant and wonderful will it be. the promise that you made which you never fail to compromise. its just time to fix up things that you broke.

  2nd issue.

 i was deluding myself all these years. thinking the world and the people close to me are revolving around me. i am actually revolving on the same orbit with them, just far far behind. knowing that without them, i have nobody else to turn to. knowing that i'm a jerk to be with, a bum to mix around with, in short, a douchebag. i claim to know much, but in fact there's so much more to know. i should really stop applying unreasonable pressure, creating something out of nothing and stop letting my ego delude me. sorry guys, sorry for being a douchebag. 

 

  3rd issue.

 it's about time to do something about my wants. i plainly say them too much and am not doing anything about it. about the recent thinking and chatting with ppl around me, i have 4 working limbs and a quick brain. i should do something more constructive than these douchey stuff that dun get me anywhere. i'm glad i realized it. hard or easy way, i'm glad i did. time to wake up, time to move, time to glorify.

help me to stand up each day,

help me to fight a good fight,

help me to not just survive,

help me to let your love show,

help me to walk in your love,

help me to sing a new song,

help me to stay by your side,

help me to always be true,

help me, help me, help me,

cause all i need is you.

thank you for The Awakening.